Hypnosis – Self Hypnosis Videos
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R U more insecure coz U txt + IM 2 much?
How email, text and instant messaging is making insecurity in relationships worse
“Are you 100% sure about that?” courtesy of sean dreilinger
“I feel so insecure! All the bloody time! I keep on at him – if he doesn’t text me back within 10 minutes I feel like I’m going mad. I know I’m crowding him. He tries to reassure me, tells me I’ve nothing to worry about, but my neediness and jealousy is driving him nuts and no wonder! He’s only human.” Sheila
“I love her so much, she’s matters more to me than anyone I’ve ever had in my life. I can’t even begin imagine going on without her. But I get madly jealous if she so much as looks at another guy’s profile on Facebook. When I see her texting someone, and smiling, I feel sick inside. Who is she ‘talking’ to now? Sometimes I don’t hear from her for hours, sometimes she ignores my texts altogether and then she says she was too busy with the kids!” Dave
As part of developing the overcome insecurity in relationships 10 step course I’ve been talking to many people who find emotional insecurity in relationships a major issue, both face to face and via email.
And what I’ve noticed is that instant messaging is part of the standard background of just about every story of relationship insecurity I’ve encountered. There are regular refrains:
“Why hasn’t she answered my email?”
“Why hasn’t he texted back by now?”
“What did he mean by that status update? Everybody can read it! Was he serious?”
In that same period, how we communicate has changed in unforeseen and quite dramatic ways. But have these changes put more pressure on relationships?
Why hasn’t he texted me? (It’s been fifteen minutes!)
In the ‘old days’ (we’re talking 15 to 20 years back) it was much harder to get hold of people. If someone was traveling, you might not hear from them at all unless they made a special effort to get to a public call phone that was a) working and b) not being used by someone else. If someone didn’t ‘get back’ to you, there were hundreds of good and perfectly valid reasons why. And we all knew that. Of course, we might still worry and fret, but heck – I remember a time when answer machines were the latest thing, and before they came on the scene you couldn’t even leave a message unless it was with a… person! And we all know that people don’t always pass on messages. So there were good and widely appreciated reasons why you might not hear from someone for a while. We all understood that you sometimes just had to wait for other people to get in touch. We all had no choice but to put up with the uncertainty.
But now…
How instant communication has driven up relationship anxiety
Don’t misunderstand me, modern communication technology is amazing and I absolutely love it. For one, it enables you to read this (lucky you! ). Loved ones can stay in touch from far-flung corners of the world. We can converse in real time with people from Singapore to Seattle to the Seychelles.
However, if you are somewhat prone to anxiety and emotional insecurity, this blessing may sometimes feel more of a curse. And even if you’re not the worrying sort, and generally tend to feel pretty secure in your relationships, you might still feel somewhat less secure because of the way these new modes of communication affect us.
Relationship insecurity merges into obsessive checking
Obsessive behavior has us repeatedly and often carrying out a certain set of actions. We obsessively check, or clean, or seek reassurance from a loved one – because we are trying to assuage our anxieties.
But it can also work the other way round.
If we repeatedly and often do something we can start to obsess about it. So you might have got into the habit of regularly checking your phone for messages from your loved ones. And because you have gotten into the habit of doing this so often, you start to feel anxious about it. Anxious obsession makes us check often, and checking often can in turn make us more anxious and obsessed.
The average person checks their phone 150 times a day, or once every six and a half minutes for every waking hour (1). Now couple that obsessive behavior with obsessive thoughts about a relationship, feelings of acute emotional insecurity and fears of rejection or being ignored, and you have a potent recipe for severe relationship angst.
The fact that we are so contactable may make us more anxious – because there seem to be fewer valid reasons why someone hasn’t been in contact. Other than… they don’t love me any more!
And there we have another problem.
“That’s not what I meant!”
If we rely heavily on text and email and instant messaging rather than on actually speaking face to face with the object of our love, we are more likely to misunderstand and misinterpret the messages that are going to and fro.
We can assume someone is serious when they are kidding, or that they mean one thing when they really mean another. We might think we have picked up signs of anger or loss of interest when we “read between the lines” because we can’t hear the tone of voice or see the smile on the lips or the glint in the eye. Emotionally insecure people misread, over-read and imagine all kinds of negative stuff about their relationship anyway, but this can be confounded by text and email.
Oh great, new ways to feel jealous
And if you can communicate instantly and in lots of different ways with the person you care most about then so, potentially, can other people. Technology may have given us a whole new way of feeling insecure and jealous. People can feel cheated on because their partner has an online relationship with someone they have never even seen face to face.
Relationship insecurity has always been around, of course, with its uneasy bedfellows of suspicion, pessimism and doubt. But texts, email and the rest, wonderful as they are, might actually be raising levels of insecurity for some people.
And that’s why I’m so pleased that one of the most important things that the 10 steps to overcoming insecurity in relationships course does is help people relax with uncertainty and refrain from making negative interpretations without solid evidence. This will help them feel more confident in and optimistic about their relationships – and that’s whether they are relating face to face with their lover or via any of the fantastic forms of communication technology that are so central to our brave new world.
Notes
- According to Nokia, who reported this at MindTrek 2010.
Article source: http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/blog/2012/05/r-u-more-insecure-coz-u-txt-im-2-much/
How neediness and emotional insecurity destroy relationships
“Neediness and insecurity can’t be cured by reassurance” courtesy of Meredith Farmer
“Please, clouds, don’t rain!” Not going to work, is it?
And neither will trying to reassure someone who just can’t be reassured. They will go on fretting, no matter how you plead.
Chronic insecurity in your relationship is a major problem. Why? Because relationships really, deeply matter. Your health, your wellbeing, your happiness affected by your relationships more than any other factor. And your most intimate relationships have the biggest effect of all.
It’s not just the insecure person who suffers
Feeling insecure in a relationship is horrible for the one who is feeling the insecurity. The burden – of fear and obsessive thoughts, of feeling powerless, of awful awareness that all this insecurity may actually itself be destroying what you treasure most – can feel pretty unbearable.
But it’s also tough for the person on the receiving end of all that insecurity. The truth is that being involved with a really insecure person can be @#!*% .
This article highlighted what a common problem insecurity is
I wrote an article a while back on overcoming insecurity in relationships and was inundated with feedback from all over the world. The scores of comments on the article itself were just the tip of the iceberg. My inbox overflowed with hundreds more private emails from people wracked by feelings of relationship insecurity.
That article, which explores the reasons for insecurity and offers practical tips to help overcome it, eventually became the springboard for the development of the new 10 steps to overcoming insecurity in relationships course. My article was mainly addressed to those who are themselves feeling insecure in a relationship; but I also got – and still get – hundreds of emails from people who have extremely insecure partners. A common recurring theme of these accounts is how isolating it can feel to find yourself in a relationship with someone who is deeply insecure. And this is one major reason why extreme insecurity can be so damaging.
Why reassuring your insecure partner is almost a lie
Because ‘reassurance’ is what insecure people want most, and anyone can say reassuring things, it’s all too easy for partners (and friends) to offer reassurances that everything is “really okay” in the relationship even when it isn’t.This is a kind of denial. And – ironically – the reasons it might not be okay are often the product of the insecurity itself.
Sometimes the only genuine problem in a relationship is the emotional insecurity of one partner and the effect that has on the relationship as a whole. But it’s easy to fall into a pattern of always pretending everything is fine, even when the insecurity becomes really damaging. Such pretense becomes isolating and can drive partners further apart. This is how insecurity can damage or even destroy the relationship.
Relationships thrive on intimacy, and intimacy stems from feeling you can safely be yourself with your partner. So what does it feel like to be in a relationship with a very insecure partner?
Worrying about relationship breakup creates it
Insecurity stemming from a fear of losing intimacy can actually bring on that loss of intimacy. Jake, a former client, described it like this:
“I actually feel totally disconnected from Sara now. She doubts my every word, doesn’t believe me when I say I’ve been working, and constantly misinterprets what I say. It’s driving me nuts! And the angrier I get, the more insecure she gets. I can’t win! I’ve tried being sympathetic, but now everything has to be on her terms, I have to ask myself all the time – is this going to upset her or not?”
Jake told me how he had started to feel very lonely in his relationship, like he had no one to talk to, because “Talking to Sara is like walking on egg shells – will I say the wrong thing? Will she take it the wrong way?”
He, like many who are close to someone so insecure, found himself getting more and more emotionally distant from Sara. He felt less able to speak to her about how he felt, and less able to relax around her. Loneliness isn’t about being alone so much as feeling alone with others – because you feel misunderstood by them – and that’s how Jake now felt with Sara. He’d begun to feel trapped, finding it hard to be around her but also hard not to be around her, because he knew how painful it was for her to be wondering where he was or whom he was with.
The painful truth is that insecurity can lead to the death of intimacy in a relationship – the fear of losing something can actually bring about that loss. Trying to force intimacy or love – demanding to know how someone feels, what they are thinking, who they’ve been talking to, what they are doing – can just drive them further from you.
So what should you do if you are in a relationship with a really insecure person?
How to tell if you have a truly insecure partner
It’s vital to figure out whether the person you are with isgenuinely excessively insecure. Some jealousy and insecurity is actually normal in most relationships from time to time – especially in the early stages. Insecure people are often insecure about their insecurity, because they instinctively know how damaging it can be. But if insecurity is a constant and central feature of the relationship then, yes, it is a problem and a potential cause of breakdown. Of course you can reassure your partner, reason with them, and be gentle and loving toward them, but it’s important not to make too many adaptations for them. This was the mistake Jake made. He had completely stopped spending any time with his friends without Sara. He rang her on the hour, every hour, when he had to work late. He told her he loved her so many times a day that it was more like a chore rather than a genuine expression of how he felt. And after a while the relationship no longer felt real to him.
If the relationship becomes all about reassuring and not upsetting the insecure partner, you and your needs get sidelined to the point that the relationship can start to feel meaningless for you. Jake and Sara’s relationship only improved once Sara herself addressed her insecurity, and learned to trust and relax more with not “having to know” what Jake was thinking or doing all the time. Her self esteem improved and, in turn, he then felt more valued, and no longer trapped or forced to behave in prescribed ways. At last he was being listened to and respected again.
If your insecure partner has enough insight to know they need to change, then you really can encourage them to make those changes that could make such a difference for both of you. Ultimately, no one should have to be constantly “on call” to their partner, or emotionally isolated by them. Good relationships are reciprocal, not one-sided. They flourish when partners trust each other, accept each other, give each other space, forgive each other for failings – and enjoy each other. You and your partner both deserve that.
Article source: http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/blog/2012/05/how-neediness-and-emotional-insecurity-destroy-relationships/
Breaking Bad News Preview
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The full download for Breaking Bad News will be released on May 29th, 2012 although you can get it 1 week earlier and save 15% by creating a free account.
Transcription of Breaking Bad News preview
Perhaps you’re listening to this because your line of work involves you having to deliver bad news to people on a regular basis, or at least from time to time. Or it could be that you just want to become better at breaking bad news generally, because it’s something you’ve found particularly difficult to do in the past. Or there may be a particular piece of news that you need to let someone know about in the near future, and you want to psychologically prepare yourself to be able to deliver that news calmly and sensitively.
Whether it’s letting someone know about a bereavement, a medical complication, damage to their property, or some information about a relationship that’s going to hurt them, being the messenger who delivers that news is no easy task. Of course sometimes the news itself may be connected with you, or something you’ve done, but even when it isn’t anything to do with you, you know that the person you’re talking to is liable to get very emotional and upset because of what you’re about to say, and that the shock, hurt and anger can sometimes end up being turned in your direction.
There are certain practical tips that can help when breaking bad news. For a start, it’s important to make sure that you’re in a suitable place, preferably somewhere private, but you also need to give thought to what support the person will have after you leave them, and who they can call or meet up with to talk it through further, so that they’re not left on their own. It’s also helpful to follow a three-step process when you let them know the news:
Step one: let them know you have some bad news for them. Of course, how you phrase this will depend on the situation, but give them some sign that they need to prepare themselves. Don’t leave them waiting too long, though, and once they’ve understood that you’re about to let them know something unpleasant, then move on to the next step.
Step two: deliver the news clearly, simply, and in a way that’s easy to understand. Don’t try to play it down or offer platitudes like telling them it will all work out for the best. Just let them know what they need to know.
Step three: tell them how sorry you are to be telling them this, and that you’ll do everything you can to help them deal with the news.
The hypnotic part of this session is going to help you remain strong and calm as you do this, so that you can be there for the person, and be appropriately sensitive and understanding in the way you communicate, without getting caught up in their distress or taking it personally.
Article source: http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/blog/2012/05/breaking-bad-news-preview/
Psychotropic – Hypnosis
Oldskool Anthem out on O2 Records, way back in 1990 this baby.